How I work with couples when there has been a betrayal.
In this post, I'll discuss my approach to helping couples navigate the intense terrain of betrayal.
The Impact of Betrayal
Betrayal, whether it's infidelity in marriage, financial deceit in a relationship, or emotional dishonesty between partners, can cause profound damage to a relationship. Trust is shattered, emotional wounds run deep, and the future of the relationship often hangs in the balance.
However, it's essential to remember that betrayal doesn't always mean the end of a relationship. With commitment to healing, professional couples therapy, and mutual effort, it's possible to rebuild trust, heal, and even grow stronger from the experience.
My Approach to Working with Betrayed Couples
Creating safety: It's crucial to establish safety both inside and outside of the counselling room. The immediate days and weeks after learning of a betrayal are commonly a volatile time. Its important to establish safety so things dont get worse. It's also important to foster an environment where both partners feel safe to express their feelings and thoughts without judgment or fear. This safety is the foundation for open communication after infidelity, financial deceit, or emotional dishonesty between partners.
Understand what happened: For the betrayed partner, it’s important to re-establish their sense of reality. They often need details about what led to the betrayal, with who, and when. At Sarah Dwyer Counselling, we offer structured approaches for couples healing from betrayal because not all information about the event is helpful.
Facilitating Expression of Emotions: Initially, the focus is on allowing the betrayed partner to express their experience, thoughts and emotions. The betrayer must listen and demonstrate they have understand the impact of their actions.
Understanding the 'Why': Once emotions have been openly discussed, we explore the reasons behind the betrayal. This involves a deep dive into the dynamics of the relationship and the betrayer's motivations. Choosing to betray your partner and being unhappy in a relationship are NOT the same thing. After all the betrayed partner was probably also not happy in the relationship but did NOT choose to betray their partner. It's not about excusing the behaviour but understanding its roots to prevent a recurrence.
Rebuilding Trust: Rebuilding trust is a gradual process. It requires consistent honesty in relationship, transparency, and reliability from the betrayer. The betrayed partner has a role in therapy to feel the wound and TRY to forgive. The betrayer has a responsibility to own their actions with honesty, transparency, and without defensiveness. They must also be willing to rebuild trust at the betrayed partner's pace, avoiding the urge to rush the process.
Forgiveness and Moving Forward: Trying to forgive doesn’t mean you have to forgive immediately. It means choosing to let go of resentment in a relationship and make room for healing. This stage involves deciding how to move forward whether that's rebuilding the relationship or parting ways amicably.
Strengthening the Relationship: If the couple decides to continue their relationship, we work on building stronger bonds, improving communication in marriage, and fostering mutual understanding and respect.
Final Thoughts
Working through betrayal is a challenging, often painful process. But with the right guidance, couples can use this difficult time as a catalyst for change and growth. Betrayal may fracture a relationship, but it doesn't have to define it.
If you're dealing with the aftermath of betrayal and need guidance, reach out to us through our Contact Us page. At Sarah Dwyer Counselling, we're committed to providing the support you need during challenging times.